guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
