I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
