put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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