i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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