Just cropdusted the office
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
