Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
