Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
