I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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