The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
