I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
