I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
