He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
