I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
