I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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