super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
