i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
