Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
