you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
