my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
