Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
