I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
