saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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