There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
