found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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