You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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