help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
