she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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