you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
