Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
