just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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