i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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