She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
