I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
