Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
