I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
