the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
