I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
