get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
