i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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