the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
