Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
