you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
