when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
