It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
