I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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