I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
