I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
