You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
