if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
