I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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