I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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