im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Houston, we have a blender
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
