Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
the raccoons are back...
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