he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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