now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
