I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
