Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
