sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
