dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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