Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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