sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
