yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
