So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
