hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
